I was rejected when I offered to be a coach

A few days ago, I was catching up with a colleague. He was sharing how he had been doing, what he had gone through that week.

From the beginning of the conversation, I noticed subtle signal in his body. His breathing was shallow, and wen he spoke, he barely caught his breath. His words came out fast, sharp, and ended with a sarcastic, almost bitter tone.

As I listened, I felt a sense of heaviness in the conversation. I asked if he was hurt by what happened. He simply said, “No,” followed by, “I understand why people did what they did.” Yet the tone didn’t seem to match with the words.

Instinctively, I began thinking of how I could support him so he could feel better.

I reminded him of the emotional wheel I shared a while back, in case it might help him reflect on what he was experiencing.

Then I asked if he wanted me to be his coach. We’ve known each other for a while, and I would like to believe we had built trust to a certain extent.

He told me no.

And then everything changed.

He told me I was a threat to his life. A bad influence. He compared me to a B12 vitamins — something that hypes him up but isn’t good for him.

He shared that when we talk, he ends up thinking too much and nothing meaningful comes from it. He said I stand too firmly on what I believe, and that through my guidance, it feels as though I am forcing those beliefs onto him.

Hearing that broke my heart more than any word could describe.

I was left sitting with questions rather than answers.

How could a sincerity and kindness be received as danger? How could a relationship that once felt grounded now feel unsafe?

How could someone who once said I understood him deeply now see me this way?

Instantly and almost immediately, I blame myself.

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What I Learned

• Rejection is normal.

On the path of becoming a coach, people will reject me. Sometimes because of me, and sometimes because of where they are in their own journey. Coaching cannot be offered without consent.

Even friendship does not override that.

• Rejection does not define my worth.

People say things they feel and think in the moment, but it doesn’t make those things necessary true. Their words may contain truth, or they may not. What matters is that I do not use their judgment as a weapon against myself. Instead, I use it as a mirror for growth—not self-punishment.

You failed and you learn. Be kind to yourself and to others. There will be a lot more of rejection in life, not just as a coach and that should not impact the decision or dream of becoming the person I want to be.

• People change.

No matter how long you’ve known someone, their needs, emotions, and roles in life can shift. There is nothing wrong to that. I shift too.

I was hurt because I was holding onto the old version of our friendship. Expectation is what hurt me — not rejection.

• Knowing someone doesn’t make coaching easier.

Personally I have found it more challenging that coaching a stranger. Familiarity brings noise. The “friend” part of me wants to advise, fix, and protect.

This is where passion can quietly turn into pressure, and compassion into something toxic without meaning to.

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Where I Am Now

The sting is still there, but it’s softer.

And I’m moving forward—steadily—toward becoming a better coach and a better version of myself.

For Anyone Reading This

Whether you are becoming a coach or simply becoming a better self:

You will be misunderstood.

Your intention may be questioned.

You may be rejected.

You may fall.

But don’t stop.

Don't give up.

Keep growing. Keep learning.

Keep becoming the better you.

And most importantly: You are not alone.

At least there is someone like me is walking on this path too —learning every day, falling, getting back up every time, and not giving up. Face all things with courage and rise from them.

I will be cheering for all of us. We’ll learn together.